


Protego

by otma16718



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Marauders, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21922006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otma16718/pseuds/otma16718
Summary: A Marauders Era fic. A story about two boys who tried to protect a girl, and a girl who tried to protect them both. But there was a war, and in war people get hurt.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Prologue

At ten, Lily was a bright but reserved girl who adored her thirteen-year-old sister Petunia almost to the point of worship. Lily had long red her, which shone like bronze in the late summer sunlight. She wanted to be just like her sister, and they did everything together. But there was something about Lily which was different. Sometimes, she could make things happen without meaning to, like pushing a book off a shelf or smashing a plate when she was angry. She could also make flowers and butterflies and other beautiful things. Petunia didn’t know how Lily did it, and had told her to stop. Lily had tried, but she just couldn’t help it. Sometimes, she thought maybe Petunia was jealous, but that was a mean thing to think and she decided it probably wasn’t true anyway.  
  
When Lily had turned eleven, she’d received a strange letter in the post from a school called Hogwarts. It wasn’t a normal school: it was a school of magic. Lily’s parents had been shocked but pleased. The school was prestigious in certain circles, so they said. But Petunia has scoffed. She’d said it was a load of nonsense and that Lily had made it all up. That was the first time Lily had thought maybe she didn’t want to be exactly like Petunia after all.  
  
At the age of eleven Lily had also made a new friend. His name was Severus and he could do magic. He could make birds and butterflies out of leaves, and could make the wind blow so that it whipped at their hair as they laughed together. Severus had told Lily all about magic and about Hogwarts, about how they could be the best wizard and witch to ever attend the school.

One day when Lily came home from the park after spending the afternoon with Severus, she found Petunia sitting on the front step with her arms crossed. ‘You like him more than me.’ The words had hurt Lily. ‘I don’t,’ she had protested. And she didn’t. Severus was just different. ‘You’re both freaks,’ Petunia had said. Then Lily had decided it was Petunia who was different, not Severus.  
  
Lily had gone to Hogwarts. She went on the train which seemed to travel for hours and hours, and she’d seen the majestic towers of the castle pointing straight up into the sky. She’d entered the Great Hall and had been sorted into Gryffindor, the house of the brave. Severus had been sorted into Slytherin, but Lily didn’t see why them being in a different house would matter at all. That year Lily learned about potions and charms and magical creatures she’d never known before. When she’d come home for Christmas, bursting with news, Petunia has made fun of her and then ignored her. ‘You’re different now,’ Petunia had said. Lily thought it was Petunia who was different, not her.  
  
When she turned twelve, Lily was in her second year at Hogwarts. She was top of the class in Potions, along with Severus. She was also very good at Charms and Herbology, but there was another Gryffindor, a boy called James Potter, who was just as good as her, sometimes even better, especially in Transfirguation and Defence Against the Dark Arts. But unlike Lily and Severus, he was never in the library, and didn’t seem to do any work at all. Lily found his smirk both irritating and amusing, but Severus didn’t see anything amusing about the boy at all.  
  
Severus and Lily had their first argument when Lily was thirteen. James has given Lily a birthday present: a Potions set, wrapped a little haphazardly, but filled with tools and ingredients and an instructions book which Lily fell in love with at once. The book had illustrations and useful annotations to learn from. When Lily had thanked James for the present, he had smiled, not his usual smirk, but something different. Lily liked that smile. But Severus had been angry. He had frowned and complained and glared at James. Lily recognised those frowns as the same ones Petunia wore: Severus was jealous. But why? Lily could have more than one friend, right?  
  
At fourteen, Lily found herself torn. Severus had other friends too, in Slytherin. But they didn’t like her. And Severus didn’t like the Marauders - James and his friends. Lily didn’t like the way the Marauders treated Severus either, but she wished Severus wouldn’t antagonise them all the time. Lily also had other friends, Martha and Alice. They didn’t understand why Lily spent so much time with Severus. Martha fancied one of James’ friends, Sirius. But Sirius wasn’t interested in her. Or at least he didn’t seem to be.  
  
Lily was fourteen when Severus had invented the spell ‘levicorpus’, which could turn people upside down and hang them by their feet. Severus had a certain talent for inventive magic. The Marauders too had mastered it soon enough, and things got so chaotic in the corridors that Professor Dumbledore was forced to ban the spell for an entire term until people learned to control themselves. Snape and the Marauders didn’t learn to control themselves though. Instead, they learned how to jinx each other without being seen.  
  
When Lily was fifteen, she went on her first date. He was a boy from Ravenclaw called Robert Marks, and he had said lots of nice things to Lily. And then he had kissed her, just for a second, on the lips. Lily had felt fireworks explode in her stomach. But they never kissed each other again. Lily had liked Robert a lot, but he hadn’t liked Severus. He hadn’t even liked James, even though everyone liked James. The Marauders were Lily’s friends now. Somehow they had all grown closer together. Lily liked Peter, who seemed to have a way of talking to anyone and understanding them; she liked the way Remus listened to her and worked with her on difficult charms, and she did the same in return; Lily liked to laugh at Sirius and his antics with James; and she liked James a lot too, although she couldn’t put her finger on precisely why. But James was sometimes distant. Sirius would pounce on Lily at odd moments and ask what she was doing, with a twinkle in his silver eyes as though he knew something she didn’t. He asked her about James a lot, though she didn’t really understand why. Rumours spread that James fancied Lily, but other girls laughed. What would the most popular boy in the school want with a girl who spent most of her time in the library with that creepy Slytherin?  
  
Lily and Severus fell out when she was sixteen. Severus had called Lily a ‘Mudblood’ in front of their whole year after an OWL exam. Lily was hurt and angry. She’d thought he wasn’t like the other Slytherins. When they were apart, Lily noticed Severus spending more and more time with the other Slytherins, like Ant Dolohov and Will Alexander. Sirius said they were going to end up as Death Eaters. But Sirius was just angry because his brother Regulus liked the Slytherins more than he liked Sirius. Sirius had run away from home that year and gone to live with James; Lily admired them both for that.  
  
When she was sixteen something had happened between Severus and the Marauders, although Lily didn’t understand it. Severus kept his distance from them after that, and things seemed icy between the Marauders for a long time, although they tried not to show it. All of them were silent when Lily questioned them on the matter, even Peter.

Now Lily was seventeen. And the war had started. The war about which there had been whispers for months, years even. It did not take long for the war to come to Hogwarts – or had it always been there? When the war had begun, Dumbledore had made a speech about unity and acceptance, but the war changed things. As Lily would learn, she would no longer be able to cross between one side and another. At seventeen, Lily would be torn between the friend who had first accepted her when her sister had not, and the ones whom that friend hated. The war was much bigger than Lily and her friends, but to Lily the one in her heart was just as agonising.

  
***

Severus Snape was eleven when he met Lily Evans. She could do magic, and she was everything Severus had imagined a witch to be: clever, talented, pretty. And she liked him. Nobody had ever liked him before – not his mother, who had no time and no love for him; not his father, who cared more for his work than for his son. But then Snape was sorted into Slytherin and Lily into Gryffindor. Lily said it didn’t change anything, but she didn’t understand. For Severus knew this changed everything. One day, he knew, he would have to make a choice. He should have made the choice straight away, as his father would have instructed him if he’d shown enough interest in Severus’ life to even know he had a friend in Gryffindor. But unlike his father, Severus cared too much for Lily Evans.

At twelve, Severus had first jinxed James Potter. It had been after a Herbology lesson, and behind the green houses he had found James and Sirius laughing and joking together. In the lesson, James had corrected Severus when he’d got the name of mandrake wrong. At the time, he had been distracted by the particular shade of bronze which Lily’s eyelashes had taken on in the beam of sunlight which had shone through the greenhouse windows. And so when he saw James laughing, he hexed him without a second thought. It had only been a leg-lock hex, and Sirius had instantly retaliated with a hex of his own. Lily never found out about the incident; or if she had, she hadn’t said anything.

When he was thirteen Severus was reminded again that he would one day have to make a choice, and that Lily would never choose his side. James had given Lily a birthday present, and even Severus had to admit that it was perfect. And it had lit a perfect smile on Lily’s perfect face. But the smile was for James and not for Severus. James had snatched Lily from Severus just as easily as James could snatch snitches on the Quidditch pitch. When Severus had said as much to Lily, she had shouted at him for the first time ever, and Severus thought maybe they were finished and the choice had been made for him. But Lily was forgiving, and Severus was drawn back to her once more.

Severus was no fool though. And so he began to make other connections (he refused to term them friends) within his own house. He didn’t like them exactly, but he did admire them. Certainly Ant Dolohov was talented, and Will Alexander knew how to duel beautifully. They taught Severus all they knew, and in return Severus taught them. One day, to impress them, he had invented a new spell, ‘levicorpus’. He had meant it to be a private showing, used on Peter Pettigrew at a particularly opportune moment. After that, the hex spread like wildfire across the school, until even the headmaster had to step in to control it. But by then it was too late: such a spell, once created, could never be controlled, not even by its maker.

By the time Severus turned fifteen, he had begun creating many more spells, which he recorded in his Potions book. Dolohov and Alexander were not the only ones who paid attention to Severus now within the Slytherin house. He called himself the Half-Blood Prince, a pompous and dramatic title which he thought Lily would have found funny, except he never told her about it. He told her less and less these days, because he was afraid that if she really knew him then he would lose her. Severus earned acclaim for the first time, but not from teachers. He was introduced to a brother and sister duo called the Carrows, who both terrified and enthralled him. They taught Severus about a kind of magic which Hogwarts had never spoken of. He knew it was Dark magic, but it enticed him because it was different, because it was something the Marauders didn’t have.

Severus was sixteen when he hurt Lily. He called her a ‘Mudblood’, and regretted the word as soon as it had slipped from his lips. Lily’s eyes had flashed with hurt and anger, and she’d turned to James for comfort and protection. Severus had made his choice, in Lily’s eyes at least.

Severus was sixteen when he was almost killed by Remus Lupin. Lupin was a werewolf. Severus hadn’t believed Sirius when he’d told him, but he’d gone to the Shrieking Shack anyway just to be sure, and only James’ quick action had saved him. He hated being indebted to James. Why James Potter of all people? He hadn’t told anyone, of course, but he knew from the way Lily watched him that she was aware something had happened.

And now he was seventeen. Severus would make his choice. It would be made final the night when he cursed Sirius Black. Or maybe the night when Lily confronted him about it, and he realised he had lost her. Severus would find the edge of Lily’s forgiveness, and he would plummet into the abyss beyond. Now there was a war, and Severus could fight only for one side.

***

When he was eleven, James Potter went to Hogwarts. On the train, he met a boy called Sirius Black, but Sirius wasn’t like the other Blacks his father had talked about. Sirius was different, and the two boys became friends at once. They would be the best wizards in the school. James and Sirius were good wizards and they knew it; they also knew that they were beyond control, for they knew how to rebel without being punished…at least not too severely.

James was twelve years old when he decided he loved Lily Evans. He didn’t even tell Sirius, because Sirius made everything into a joke, but James wanted this to be real. James had realised this during Herbology one day, when the sun had been shining through the glass of the greenhouse directly onto Lily. It had made her bright hair glow like fire and her green eyes gleam like emeralds. And then Snape had hexed him. Because Snape loved Lily too. James couldn’t understand what Lily saw in Snape, and so he prodded and pushed the Slytherin boy, trying to find out what made him tick. For Snape fascinated James.

At thirteen, James had dared to give Lily a birthday present. He thought long and hard about his gift, for he knew that Potions was a particular talent of Lily’s, and that she enjoyed it very much. The smile which Lily had given James when she’d opened the present had been worth all the waiting and the nerves. He realised she didn’t need the sun in order to glow. Sirius had mocked him endlessly for favouring Lily with a gift, but that had been worth it too.

James was thirteen when the Marauders had been formed. First Peter Pettigrew, a boy who seemed nice enough and was liked by most people, but didn’t have anyone to call his own friends. James and Sirius rescued him from Snape and the other Slytherins when they had hexed him with a new spell. Peter adored Sirius, and they found him funny. He was a good look-out for their pranks. And then there was Remus Lupin. He was quiet and reserved, keeping to himself most of the time, working in the library for so long that sometimes he seemed more exhausted than was right for any thirteen-year-old. But he was also clever and witty and surprisingly good at Defence Against the Dark Arts. And he had been drawn into the orbit that was James and Sirius.

Within a year they had cracked Remus’ secret. He was a werewolf. Sirius and Peter thought it was cool. James thought it was cool too. But he also saw the bags under Remus’ eyes and the scars across his face, and knew that the fact haunted his friend. This didn’t push James away as Remus expected though, but instead it drew James to keep Remus closer. They made a pact, the three of them, to always protect Remus, not matter the cost, and to make his life better in any way they could. That night when they made a pact was also the night James began to research the process of becoming an animagus. If Remus had to transform, the other Marauders would learn to transform with him.

By fifteen the Marauders was a name known across the school. As was the hex ‘levicorpus’, invented by none other than Severus Snape. The Marauders gave as good as they got, and so Severus found himself swept into the air by his ankle just as much if not more than James or Sirius. They had only relented the constant hex battle when Lily had begged them to stop. Dumbledore’s ban was meaningless to James, but a request from Lily was one he could not ignore. James had watched from a distance as Lily dated Robert Marks, and for the first time he understood something of what Snape felt, for he wanted to glare at Robert in the same way Snape did. But he knew Lily was free to love whomever she chose, even if the thought of it broke James a little inside every time he saw them together. Sirius knew, though. And Sirius, like always, would fight for James. Remus and Peter too. For they were a team.

When he was sixteen, James tore Lily in two. He hated Snape for calling Lily by that slur, but he knew full-well that he had goaded Snape into it. James and Snape might have been on different sides, but neither was innocent.

And James too had watched as Sirius was torn in two, for the Black family rejected one son while praising the other. By sixteen James and Sirius had been brothers for years, but now they shared a home too, and James would never forget that terrible summer night when Sirius had arrived on the Potter doorstep, face coated in tears and torso coated in bruises, when James had stepped forward to wrap his arms around his best friend and whisper, ‘welcome home’.

But another person had almost been torn apart that year too, for Sirius had told Snape about Remus in the Shrieking Shack, and James had only just reached him in time. It took weeks for trust to be rebuilt between the Marauders. Snape was not worth the loss of their friendship, though, and in time they healed. James saw from the way Lily watched them all that she knew something was wrong. He knew Lily would accept Remus, but Remus was not yet ready to trust anyone else.

So now James was seventeen. And there was a war. And James’ mother was dying. And James needed to do something. But his need for action would put his friends in danger. Sirius especially. Even worse, he would drag Lily into the fray. Or had Snape done that? He just hoped Lily would be as forgiving of him as she had been of Snape for so many years. Because he still loved her – and he thought maybe she loved him too.


	2. Chapter One - Lily

Lily sat at the bar in the Leaky Cauldron. She swirled the cranberry juice in her glass round and round several times, watching the liquid twirl absently. And then someone slipped onto the stool beside her.  
James Potter grabbed Lily’s hands and spun her round, silencing her protest with a hiss from his lips.

‘Shhh. Say nothing. Just dance with me.’

Lily rolled her eyes but stood and complied. With a frown, she realised James was breathing hard; she only had to wait a second to find out why. James spun them round as the door to the pub flew open. He laughed, squeezing her hands until she did the same, but there was a glimmer of something else in his eyes which Lily had never seen before. After a moment, she realised what it was: fear.

‘Where is he?! Has anyone seen a boy?’

A wild looking man, wand raised, had burst into the room, bringing a blast of cold January air with him.

‘Hey, what are you doing?’ Tom the landlord shouted, advancing on the newcomer.

James and Lily had paused in their dancing, freezing in place to watch the action, just like all the other patrons. Their hands were still joined, to make it look as though they had been paused in an intimate moment. James’ fingers clasped Lily’s tightly as he watched the drama unfold.

‘He came in here! I saw him!’

Janes tensed as the man scanned the room, dark eyes flicking over the patrons. People began to murmur around them. As his eyes flew toward the couple, James turned his head as if to whisper in Lily’s ear, using her long loose hair to obscure his face.

After a long moment, the man grunted in annoyance. Tom reached him, hand on his wand pocket.

‘Nobody’s come in here that I’ve seen.’ His voice was calm but firm.

The man grunted. His wand lowered slightly. Lily thought his hands looked dirty, muddied perhaps, but it was hard to tell in the gloom of the pub.

‘Fine.’ He all but growled. With a final glance around the room, he turned on his heel and left.

For a few seconds, there was silence, and then murmurs began. Before long the music started up once more and people began to dance, the incident already dismissed as a drunken affray, not untypical for a Friday night.

Beside Lily, James remained tense. He was still breathing hard, his breaths hitching slightly.

Lily turned to him. ‘What was-?’

‘We have to go. Come on.’

Keeping hold of her hand, James tugged her across the pub and out of the door from which the man had left only a minute before. James paused at the door and looked around briefly before tugging Lily along.

‘James, where- are you bleeding?!’ Under the light of a street-lamp Lily had caught sight of a dark patch spread across his shirt over his abdomen.

‘Yes, a bit. Pad-Sirius is worse.’

They’d reached an alleyway and neither hesitated before charging down it. In the shadows at the end of the alleyway, Lily could just make out a figure hovering over something on the ground. The figure turned at their approach, dark eyes contrasting his pale face.

‘He’s gone?’ asked the figure.

‘Yeah, I think I led him off.’ James answered.

‘Remus?’

‘Lily?!’

‘Moony, how is he?’

James released Lily’s hand and dropped to his knees. Lily realised that Remus had been leaning over a prone body on the floor. Sirius. Sparing a helpless glance at Lily, Remus returned his attention to their friend on the ground.

‘Pr-Prongsss’

‘Easy, Padfoot, easy. You’re ok.’

‘He’s really not.’ Remus murmured.

‘I’m really… n-not.’ Sirius tried to smirk but hissed in pain instead.

Lily could see blood. Sirius was holding his arm against his chest. His fingers were twitching, but he seemed unaware of the fact.

‘James, your mother. She knows healing spells.’ Remus said.

‘Yeah. I know.’ James nodded, his eyes remaining fixed on his best friend.

Lily stepped forward. ‘You can’t apparate with him like that!’

Remus spun around as though he’d forgotten Lily was there. His eyes were wild, desperate.

James grabbed Remus’ arm as Sirius hissed in pain once more, throwing his head back against the floor. ‘We don’t have a choice. I’ll side-along him. You follow.’

The two boys locked eyes for a moment. Remus nodded . ‘Okay.’ He nodded again. ‘Okay.’

‘Hey, you!’

All three of them spun as a voice sounded at the end of the alley. It was the man who’d burst into the pub. His wand was drawn and he was advancing.

‘Now!’

James grabbed Sirius and with a crack of sound he was gone. Without hesitation, Remus clasped Lily’s wrist and turned, just as a flash of light emanated from the end of the man’s wand. Lily saw only darkness, felt herself twist with Remus as the world condensed around her. Then with a gasp they landed side by side on the grass outside a large country home. It was red brick, towering over them in a way which struck Lily as both majestic and menacing. Trust the Potters to have a home like this.

Sirius screamed.

‘Sirius!’ ‘James!’

Remus pulled himself from the ground and threw himself down beside his friend. ‘Did you splinch him? James?’

James shook his head numbly. All three watched helplessly as Sirius writhed on the floor. He looked paler than he had before, if that was at all possible. Lily pulled herself to her feet and ran toward the house. Part of her mind was wondering what had happened to leave Sirius like this. The Marauders were always getting into trouble at school, but she’d never seen one of them hurt so badly before. She pushed the thoughts away quickly; now wasn’t the time.

When Lily reached the great wooden doors of the mansion she pushed and found them unlocked. A large entrance hall greeted her, and she dashed into the first room she saw, calling as she went. In the third room, she met a woman, who had already risen to her feet.

‘Who are-‘ she began to ask, and then she saw the wideness of Lily’s eyes and noticed the shaking of her hands. ‘Is it James?’

‘No, it’s... It’s Sirius.’

The woman swore. ‘That boy.’ She pushed past Lily and stepped into the hallway. ‘Where are they?’ She called over her shoulder as Lily hurried to follow.

‘Front garden.’

As they reached the door, another scream pierced the otherwise still night. James’ mother broke into a run. James and Remus were still crouched over Sirius, whose back was arched off the floor, his eyes wild and glazed.

‘Padfoot!’

‘James!’

James turned at his mother’s voice. His eyes were as wild as Sirius’, although they shone with a terrible clarity which his friend’s lacked.

Mrs Potter landed beside the boys and reached for Sirius. James and Remus instinctively moved back to give her room. James began talking fast.

‘It’s sectumsempra. It’s a cursed wound. He’s bleeding - it won’t stop.’

Lily faltered at the name of the spell. Where had she read that word before?

Mrs Potter placed her hand on Sirius’ forehead as her other hand reached for her wand. She drew it out and held it over his torso, which was bathed with blood, more obvious now in the open starlight than it had been in the alleyway. Muttering under her breath, Mrs Potter ran her wand up and down the length of the wounds. There were two clear cuts, weaving across Sirius’ chest and stomach. Against the blood, his skin looked almost white, lungs heaving with the effort of every breath.

‘James, get my potions from the cabinet in the drawing room.’

But James was frozen, captivated by the pain of his best friend.

Remus pulled himself up. ‘I know where they are.’ He was off toward the house in a moment.

Lily watched him go, and then returned her attention to the scene before her. Mrs Potter was still muttering incantations under her breath, words barely audible above the din of Sirius’ suffering. James was clasping his pale wrist with both hands, breathing almost as deeply.

It seemed an age before Remus returned, though it couldn’t have been more than a minute or two. Mrs Potter thanked him with a word, then drew several vials from her bag. She uncapped one and began to drop the potion directly into the wounds, continuing the mutter as she did so. Within a few seconds, the blood flow ceased and the skin began to close over, though it left deep red lines across Sirius’ torso. Mrs Potter took another vial and lifted Sirius’ head up so she could pour it into his mouth. He choked and swallowed automatically, then his breathing began to calm and he became still on the ground.

‘James, come on. Carry him into the house. James?’

Lily stepped forward. ‘He’s hurt.’

Both Remus and Mrs Potter glanced to her, then spun back to James.

‘James?’

James continued to grip Sirius’ now lax wrist, blinking rapidly. His mother reached a hand up and patted the place on his shirt where blood stained the material. He hissed and curled in on himself.

Remus placed an arm around his shoulders. ‘James, he’ll be alright.’

Mrs Potter gently lifted his shirt to reveal a wound like Sirius’, although much smaller - it was bleeding heavily. Quickly, she turned and grabbed the vial she had just used on Sirius, and tipped a few drops onto James’ skin. He hissed lightly as the wound sealed itself. James swayed and blinked hard.

Mrs Potter watched her son for a long moment, then squeezed his hand and turned to the other two. ‘Remus, take Sirius into the house and lay him in the guest room. You, girl, help James inside. I need to fetch another dose of the potion for Sirius, or his wounds’ll open up again within the hour.’

Both nodded numbly and obeyed. Remus muttered ‘mobilicorpus’ and Sirius was raised three feet off the ground, his body floating toward the mansion. James gripped his wrist for a second longer and then released it. Lily reached for his shaking hands and took them in her own, coaxing him to his feet. He swayed as he stood, so Lily wound an arm under his shoulders and began to lead him.

‘He’s hurt. He’s hurt and it’s my fault.’

‘He’ll be alright. He will.’ Lily wasn’t certain which of them she was trying to reassure.

They reached the house and Lily followed as Remus levitated Sirius up the stairs and into a room with a master bed. He gently lowered Sirius onto the covers and sat beside him. Lily eased James into an armchair and crouched in front of him, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. He seemed dazed, the cocky smirk of their usual meetings gone.

Mrs Potter entered just as Sirius began to shudder again. She dripped more potion into his wounds to keep them sealed, then poured another potion into his mouth so he was still once more. Then she crouched beside Lily in front of her son, another vial in her hand.

‘James? Look at me, James.’

Reluctantly, James met her eyes for a moment then allowed his gaze to dart away once more. His breaths were still painful and ragged.

‘I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but when your father hears about this... Well, let’s leave that for now.’ She raised the vial. ‘Drink this.’

James pressed his lips together and shook his head. His mother grabbed his wrist. ‘Drink it. I’ve already got one boy suffering curse damage. I won’t have another one succumb to the same.’

Nodding once, James reached for the potion, his fingers shaking slightly as they clutched it. Then he tipped his head back and drank. Within a few moments, his eyes became dull and clouded. Mrs Potter helped him stand, and then eased him onto the bed beside Sirius’ still form.

Once he was settled, she turned to Lily. ‘And you are?’

‘Lily. Lily Evans.’

A single eyebrow was raised at her. Mrs Potter’s eyes scanned her up and down. ‘You’re not hurt?’

‘No, I-‘

She spun to Remus. ‘And you?’

‘No.’

‘Good.’ She stood and walked to the door before turning to them both. ‘I need to contact James’ father. I’m sure he’ll want to hear all about what you were doing to end up in this state.’ Her eyes drifted to her son, then fell on Sirius. She sighed. It was a long suffering sigh, as though she’d resigned herself to this sort of event many years ago. Without another word, she was gone.

The silence of her absence was filled only by the heavy breaths of the two unconscious boys on the bed. Lily and Remus sat on either side of the bed, and their eyes met over the top of the two friends.

Remus offered Lily a lop-sided half-smile. ‘Sorry to drag you into this.’

‘What happened, Remus? James burst into the pub and then that man followed him in-‘

‘That man was a death eater.’

‘What?!’

Remus held up his hands. ‘We never intended to find him. Not even Sirius knew his cousin had become a member of the Dark Lord’s fan club’

Lily frowned. ‘Bellatrix?’ She glanced down at the sleeping Sirius, still deathly pale. ‘She did this?’

Remus shook his head. ‘No. Someone else did. But she was there.’ He didn’t meet Lily’s eyes.

And then it hit her. Sectumsempra. She had read it before. It was in the margin of Severus’ Potions book. He hadn’t meant for her to see it, but the book had fallen open that way one time in the library. As Lily had looked, Severus had snatched it back from her, eyes flashing with a dark expression he usually reserved for the Marauders. Was Severus...? No, he couldn’t be. He wasn’t like that, surely?

‘What is it?’ Remus was watching her closely, eyes narrowed.

Lily shook her head. ‘Nothing.’ She huffed. ‘They’ll be okay, won’t they?’

Remus kept his eyes on her for a moment, then followed her gaze to look at James and Sirius. ‘I think so. Mrs Potter’s a very good healer, thankfully. That spell was horrific though. Nobody with a heart would use such a curse.’

Nobody with a heart would use such a curse.

Lily took James’ hand, keeping her eyes on his rising chest, away from Remus’ scrutiny. Eventually, her eyes grew heavy and she found herself perched horizontal on the edge of the bed beside James. As she closed her eyes, Remus settled himself into an armchair on the other side of the bed. He was used to sleepless nights.

***

Lily awoke in the middle of the night to find herself on the floor. Beside her lay James, still unconscious, his chest rising and falling evenly. She realised they were lying on a bed of cushions, and a blanket was draped over the both of them. As Lily sat up, she discovered what had woken her.

‘Help...h-help me’

‘Sirius. Sirius, can you hear me?’

Sirius was still lying on the bed. His spine was arched and his head was thrown back against the mattress. As Lily stood, she saw his eyes were shut tight. Above Sirius hovered Mrs Potter, beside a man whom Lily assumed to be Mr Potter, and Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey from Hogwarts. Remus stood to the side, watching his friend helplessly. All five of them were oblivious to Lily as she approached. She rounded the bed to reach Remus and wordlessly took his hand, causing him to glance momentarily at her with a grateful smile which only turned the corners of his mouth, before they returned their attention to Sirius.

The two friends watched in fascinated horror as Mrs Potter reached forward and tried to prise Sirius’ mouth open to give him another dose of potion. His white skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, making his face hard to hold. And he was fighting.

‘Easy, easy now.’

After several more seconds of struggle, Mrs Potter pulled her hands away. Sirius let out a rasping breath, gasping for air. His eyes opened, flying from person to person but recognising no one. Then he went rigid once more and threw his head back again, as though a wave of pain had just shot through him. He hissed and groaned.

‘It’s no use. We’ll have to restrain him.’ Mrs Potter said, looking to her husband.

Mr Potter nodded and climbed onto the bed beside Sirius. He pulled Sirius up so his back was against Mr Potter’s chest. Sirius fought hard, but it was painfully obvious to all that he was weak with exhaustion. ‘Shhh, easy now. Don’t fight.’

Remus was rigid beside Lily. Never had he seen one of his friends like this. Lily herself was frozen, desperate to look away but unable to do it.

Mrs Potter reached forward again with the vial. Sirius threw his head from side to side, his jaws locked, his silver eyes unfocused. At last she was able to get hold of him and prise his mouth open. She eased the potion into his mouth and then held her hands against his lips until he was forced to swallow. Within seconds Sirius grew limp in Mr Potter’s arms. They lowered him back onto the bed.

Lily realised tears were rolling down her face, and she raised a hand to wipe them away with her sleeve. Remus could only stare at his friend. She wondered what he was thinking.

‘That potion was stronger than before,’ Mrs Potter was saying, directing her words to Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. ‘He should be out for a while now. Hopefully that will be long enough for the curse to pass through his system.’

Dumbledore nodded. His face was lined with worry and his eyes seemed weary as he watched the now-still boy. Then he turned to Remus and Lily who stood behind him, as though he’d been aware of their presence all along.

‘Sir, w-will he be alright?’ Remus stammered. 

Dumbledore came forward and placed a hand on Remus’ shoulder. ‘Mr Black is strong. He’ll make it through.’ His voice was soft and gentle, but a moment later it had hardened as his eyes narrowed slightly. He glanced to Lily before looking back at Remus. ‘When he’s recovered, we’ll need to hear exactly what happened, Mr Lupin.’

Remus nodded once and lowered his eyes. ‘Yes, sir.’

With that, Mr Potter led Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey from the room. They talked in low voices which Lily and Remus could not quite make out. Mrs Potter ran a hand through Sirius’ hair and down his chest, then turned to her son who remained unconscious on the floor. Lily felt as though she was intruding on something deeply private as Mrs Potter leaned forward to kiss James on his forehead, muttering to him. At last she stood and turned to the other two.

‘I’m sorry you had to watch that.’

Remus shook his head numbly. Lily just stared.

‘Try to get some sleep, Remus. You haven’t even tried yet.’ Remus opened his mouth to protest, but Mrs Potter silenced him. ‘Keeping a night-long vigil will not assuage your feelings of guilt, Remus. I will stay here and watch over both my boys.’

Lily blinked. Of course, hadn’t Sirius been living with the Potters since he’d run away from home the previous summer? She was touched to see Mrs Potter regarding him like a second son. Gently, Lily released Remus’ hand and nudged him toward the bed. He obediently lay down beside Sirius, though he kept a foot of distance between them, as though he was afraid he might disturb the sleeping boy otherwise. Mrs Potter nodded appreciatively to Lily as she patted Remus on the shoulder, then went around the bed to lie down on the cushions beside James once more. At least James hadn’t been cursed so badly. Lily felt guilty for that thought - it wasn’t as though she wished this on Sirius, but she wasn’t sure she would have been able to handle James suffering like that. She curled on her side facing away from James - to do otherwise felt wrong in the presence of his mother.

Mrs Potter watched as Remus and Lily’s breaths grew heavier with sleep, then settled herself down in the armchair which sat in the corner of the room. She spent the rest of the night wondering who this mysterious girl was sleeping beside her son. Of course she’d heard James and Sirius talk of Lily before, but she hadn’t realised how close the girl was to her son. Mrs Potter also wondered what her rebellious son could possibly have done to land his friends in such danger and fill them all with such crushing guilt.

***

The next time Lily woke, it was to the sound of the door opening as Mrs Potter entered the room carrying a tray loaded with food. Light was streaming in through the edges of the curtains. It was morning; the long night was over. At last.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes as she looked around. With a start, she realised James was no longer beside her. Lily turned to the bed, and felt herself release a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding as she saw Remus and James sitting on the bed either side of Sirius, heads locked together and whispering softly to one another. Lily stood and crossed to the bed as Mrs Potter placed the tray down on a table. Sirius was still unconscious, but he seemed peaceful now, and his bare chest was rising and falling deeply and evenly. Angry red lines marred his still-pale flesh, but they seemed more securely sealed over than they had in the night.

‘How is he?,’ Lily asked in a hushed whisper.

James started and turned at the sound of her voice, but didn’t quite meet her eyes. In his lap, his fingers played with one another. Lily noticed his hands still had blood and dirt dried onto the skin. It had dried under his nails too.

‘He should be feeling better after a good rest,’ Mrs Potter answered for her son. ‘That kind of curse is brutal, but thankfully we were able to treat him relatively quickly.’

‘It wasn’t brutal; it was barbaric.’ James’ voice was barely above a whisper, the tone lower and more gravelly than usual.

James’ mother rested a hand on her son’s shoulder. ‘He’ll recover, James.’

James looked as though he wanted to say more, but he bit his tongue and returned his attention to his friend. They all watched Sirius for a long moment, and then his eyes began to flutter and his breath hitched.

‘Sirius?’ ‘Padfoot?’

Sirius gave a shudder, and then his eyes opened. He blinked lazily for a few moments, his pupils blown wide and unfocused. Sirius lifted a shaking hand and James grasped it; his friend’s skin was white, and even that much movement appeared to have strained him.

‘Padfoot?,’ James asked again.

‘Pr-Prongs?’ Sirius’ voice was barely audible. His throat sounded dry and sore. Lily remembered his screams of the previous evening and shuddered.

Finally, Sirius was able to lock his silver eyes onto James, and the pupils focused at last. Sirius ran his other hand over his bare chest, the pads of his fingers finding the raised skin and brushing along it. He hissed and closed his eyes for a second, his hand stilling over his heart.

‘Sirius?’

Sirius opened his eyes again and found Remus. He raised his hand from his heart and grasped for Remus, who took his fingers immediately in his own and squeezed them lightly.

‘Wha’ happened?’

Remus glanced up at James and then looked back to Sirius. ‘You were cursed. Sectumsempra.’

Sirius swore under his breath. ‘No wonder I feel like I’ve been ripped apart by a hippogriff.’ He saw the concern etched on Remus’ face. ‘Is someone else hurt?’

‘What? No, not really. You gave us quite a night though.’

Sirius frowned. ‘I don’t remember.’

Mrs Potter reached forward and patted Sirius’ arm gently. ‘No wonder. We had to give you some pretty strong potions. You might feel a little out of it for a few days.’

A smirk tugged at the corner of Sirius’ mouth. ‘When don’t I?’

James huffed a laugh despite himself. Sirius returned his attention to him, and then his eyes flicked to Lily beside him. ‘Where did you come from?’

Lily opened her mouth then closed it.

‘She helped me lead that... man off, last night.’ James answered carefully. ‘Then she came with me when I went back for you.’

Sirius watched Lily closely. She felt Mrs Potter’s eyes on her too. Lily looked down at her lap, uncomfortable with the sudden scrutiny. After a moment Lily was saved from the awkwardness when Sirius grunted in pain and closed his eyes once more. Immediately Mrs Potter was on her feet, turning to the tray and taking a goblet from it.

‘Sit him up’, she said to Remus and James.

Very carefully, they slid their hands under Sirius and eased him into a sitting position against the bed cushions. As they did so, Sirius screwed up his face, the skin around his eyes crinkled and tense, but he made no sound. Once he was upright, Mrs Potter held a goblet to his lips, and he drank without opening his eyes.

‘It’s just water, mixed with a milder version of the potions we gave you last night. That should help with the pain.’ When he was done, Mrs Potter handed another goblet to James. ‘You need some too,’ she said firmly.

James took the goblet and drank without protest. When he finished, he realised Sirius’ eyes were on him again. He raised his eyebrows. ‘What?’

‘I thought you said nobody else was hurt.’

‘I didn’t say that, Remus did. And he said not really.’

Sirius tried to reach for James but the effort made his arms shake. ‘Where are you hurt? What happened?’

James grasped Sirius’ hands in his own again and pushed them down gently. ‘I’m okay, really. The curse that got you hit me too, but nowhere near as badly.’

The boys scrutinised each other for a long moment, and then Sirius relented, though this seemed to be more out of exhaustion than anything else. He rested his head back against the pillows and closed his eyes. James placed the goblet down and dropped his head slightly. Lily instinctively rested a hand on his shoulder.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, just...just a little dizzy.’

Mrs Potter placed a hand on James’ forehead and ran her other palm down his back. ‘Lie down, James.’

James’ wordless compliance was sign enough to all present that he wasn’t quite as alright as he’d been making out. Sirius cracked his eyes open again as the mattress shifted beside him.

‘Sharing a bed with me, Prongs? Did we grow that close last night?’

Remus cuffed Sirius over the head and then apologised immediately as he hissed in pain. ‘It’s fine,’ Sirius assured him, ‘I deserved it.’

‘He did.’ James muttered beside him.

Mrs Potter huffed and Remus and Lily exchanged a cautious smirk. She motioned for them to get off the bed then drew the covers over her son and his best friend. James lay on his side facing Sirius with his eyes closed. He was asleep in moments. Mrs Potter eased Sirius back to lie down, and he too seemed to drift back into unconsciousness within a matter of seconds. She watched them both for a minute then turned to the others.

‘Eat something, both of you. Dumbledore is downstairs. I’m sure he’ll want to speak with you soon.’

Remus locked eyes with Lily. She felt he was trying to tell her something, but she was too tried to work it out. Mrs Potter left, and Lily helped herself to the food from the tray and handed another plate to Remus. Both of them picked at the food half-heartedly, for neither could bring themselves to really feel hungry.

***  
‘Are you going to tell me what you were doing last night?,’ Lily asked.

It was several hours later, and while Sirius was still sleeping, James was now awake and propped up on the bed beside him. Lily sat on one side of the bed and Remus on the other.

‘It’s not your business’ James murmured.

‘You made it my business, James.’ Lily’s voice was firm enough that he met her eye for a second, the first time he’d done so since the previous night.

Remus nodded. ‘She’s right, James.’

James met Remus’ eyes, and then relented, nodding. ‘Fine.’

When James didn’t speak again, Remus began to explain. ‘You know Sirius’ brother Regulus? Well, we were following him, along with-‘ he broke off at a look from James, then continued. ‘We were following Regulus, and he met with Bellatrix, his and Sirius’ cousin. They talked about the Dark Lord and about their next meeting with him. And then others turned up...Death Eaters. We saw their faces and heard them talking, then one of them saw us.’

‘The man from the pub?’

‘Yes. He and s-... someone else saw us, and they chased us. We ran, and then we realised we were cornered, so we duelled instead.’

‘And then that man cursed James and Sirius?’

Remus looked at James, who looked back at him. They seemed to have a conversation in silence, involving Remus raising his eyebrows, James shaking his head, Remus frowning, and then James eventually shrugging and giving a slight nod with a quick glance in Lily’s direction.

‘What is it?’ Lily asked.

Remus looked at her, then at James once more.

‘Lily, you see...I know what you think of him, and we all know what we think of him, but...’

‘Snape did it.’ James cut in.

Lily blinked. ‘Severus?’

James finally met her eyes. She saw that look again that she’d seen only once before. Fear.

‘Lily, we know you’re his friend-‘

‘It’s his spell.’ Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

‘What?’

‘Sectumsempra. It’s his spell.’

‘You know?’

Remus and James were both staring at her now. She realised her hands were fidgeting in her lap and fought to still them.

‘I didn’t know what it did. He really did that to Sirius? And you?’ Lily was looking at James now.

James nodded. ‘Yes.’

Nobody with a heart would use a curse like that.  
The words from the night before echoed in her head. Would Severus really have wished that kind of pain on Sirius? Sirius who was still unconscious between them? And it had almost been James too. It had been James too. What if it had hit Remus? Lily knew Severus spent time with the other Slytherin boys, the ones about whom there were dark rumours. She knew he hated the Marauders. She couldn’t forget the word Snape had used to describe her that terrible summer day a year and a half ago after their OWLs. But surely he wouldn’t do something like this?

‘Maybe he didn’t know what it did.’

‘Why do you still make excuses for him, Lily?!’ James burst out, voice raised, anger shining in his eyes. ‘He called you a Mudblood. He sticks around with the Death Eaters in training. He’s one of them, Lily.’

Lily shook her head. ‘He’s not like them. He’s not the same.’

‘Yes he is! He was with them last night. Sirius was already on the ground when Snape cursed him. He didn’t have to do it. Why are you so smart and yet so blind when it comes to him?’

Lily stood from the bed now, her voice raised to match James’. ‘You’re the ones who are blind! You’ve always hated him! Maybe if you’d been decent to him once or twice he’d have someone to hang out with other than Death Eaters!’

‘How can you defend him when he did this?!’ James shouted, standing too and motioning to Sirius. ‘How can you excuse that?!’

‘I’m not excusing him! I hated seeing Sirius like that! But he’s the first wizard I ever knew, and I won’t lose him-‘

‘You’re trying to save him, aren’t you?’ Remus’ voice cut through Lily and James’ shouts, stilling them both. He was standing now too, staring straight at Lily. ‘Why?’

Lily’s chest was heaving. She could feel tears pricking her eyes. ‘Because he’s not a bad person. He not like the others.’

James turned back to Sirius. ‘If he’s not a bad person, why’d he do this?’

‘I don’t know.’ Lily shook her head. ‘I don’t know. But don’t think I won’t ask him about this.’

James made no response. He seemed not to be listening anymore, lost in the face of his unconscious friend. Lily looked at Sirius took. She felt a stab of guilt in her chest as she looked at him. Severus didn’t do this on purpose, surely?

As she felt the tears spill over and down her cheeks, Lily turned and swept from the room. 

***

‘This was not child’s play, Mrs Potter. James and his friends need to be careful.’  
‘They stumbled across something they never intended to, Dumbledore.’  
‘I know. But this is not the first time the Marauders have become involved in something they should not be.’ There was a pause. ‘And now Miss Evans too.’  
‘I don’t think she was involved, Dumbledore. Sirius seemed surprised that she was there when he saw her.’

‘Very well. But I want to hear her part anyway.’

‘Of course, I’ll fetch her now.’

Lily jumped back from the door as footsteps came toward her, and then Mrs Potter opened it. She met Lily’s eyes, and in that moment they both knew she’d been listening at the door. Mrs Potter didn’t seem angry though; she raised a hand and squeezed Lily’s shoulder before directing her into the room. Lily stepped forward. It was the room in which she’d found Mrs Potter the previous night. In the chaos she hadn’t really paid it much attention, but now she saw comfy armchairs made of dark green material, and dark mahogany shelves lined with books. At another time, Lily would have fallen in love with such a room in an instant.

Dumbledore sat in one of the green armchairs. He motioned for Lily to take a seat in the one opposite him, and she did so. She laced her hands together in her lap and looked up at her headmaster. At that moment, she realised she’d never been alone in a room with him.

‘Hello, Lily.’ His voice was kind and low, gentle. It instantly put Lily at ease.

‘What were you doing last night?’

Lily licked her lips. ‘I went to a pub, and-‘

‘Muggle pub or wizard?’

‘Wizard, sir. The Leaky Cauldron.’

Dumbledore nodded, and waited for Lily to continue.

‘I was in a pub. I had been with friends - Alice and Martha - but they’d left maybe ten minutes before James came in.’

‘You stayed on your own, why?’

Lily met Dumbledore’s eyes. They were a rich blue, and penetrating, though not in a threatening way. She felt strangely as though he knew what she was about to tell her already.

‘I’d seen the Marauders - James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter’ (Where was Peter now, for that matter?), ‘and I thought they might turn up. I was just finishing my drink and then I was going to leave.’

Dumbledore nodded. He didn’t ask where Peter was. Did he know? ‘So then James turned up?’

‘Yes, he...um, he grabbed my hands and asked me to dance with him.’ She waited for Dumbledore to say something, but he merely raised his eyebrows. Was he amused? ‘He was out of breath and he seemed afraid. I’d never seen him like that before. And then a man burst through the door of the pub and started shouting about James. He had his wand raised too, and he seemed angry.’

‘But he didn’t see James?’

‘No...his cover worked quite well’

‘Who was this man? Had you seen him before?’

‘No.’

‘But?’

How did Dumbledore always know? ‘Well, Remus...he said he was a death eater.’

Dumbledore barely reacted to the words, but Lily could tell the atmosphere of the room had changed. This was no longer a simple matter of a teenage prank gone wrong. But surely that had been obvious? ‘Very well, Miss Evans. And then what.?’

‘We went onto the street. That was when I realised James was hurt. He led me to an alleyway and we saw Remus crouching over someone on the ground.’ Lily’s throat closed over at the memory. She never wanted to relive that moment when she’d realised it was Sirius on the floor, and how badly he was hurt.

‘Sirius?’ Dumbledore’s voice was if possibly even gentler than before.

Lily nodded. ‘And then the man, the death eater, found us. James apparated Sirius and Remus apparated me. I didn’t see what happened to the death eater.’

‘And then you were here?’

Lily nodded again. All she could hear in her mind was Sirius screaming in pain. She never wanted to hear that sound again. It was the same sound she’d heard when her father’s car had once hit a deer. The scream of a creature which knows nothing but its own agony.

‘And you didn’t see who did this to Sirius?’

‘No, I didn’t see who it was.’ She was thankful that she could be truthful in this.

‘Thank you, Lily. I know this cannot have been easy for you.’

Lily shook her head. She wasn’t the one lying unconscious upstairs with curse damage. Recognising the dismissal, lily stood to leave, just as Dumbledore raised his wand to his temple and drew a slither of memory from his mind to deposit in the pensieve which she hadn’t noticed was beside him.

She walked to the door and opened it. Remus was on the other side. He nodded once to lily and entered, closing the door behind him and leaving her alone in the corridor. She leaned her head against the wall and let out a long breath. Surely Remus was about to tell Dumbledore about Severus. Then it really would be over and she’d have lost him for good.

***

After Remus, James was questioned. Sirius was still unconscious, and so Dumbledore had left without hearing his statement. There wasn’t much he could have added anyway.

Lily sat at the Potters’ dining table the next day with Mrs Potter, an untouched plate in front of her.

‘Please eat something, Lily dear.’ Mrs Potter said.

Lily glanced at her plate. ‘I’m sorry, I’m just not hungry.’ Mrs Potter opened her mouth to speak again but Lily stopped her. ‘Really, I should go. I’ve already intruded far too long. School starts in two days - I need to go home.’

She stood to leave. Mrs Potter stood with her and watched her walk to the door.

‘Lily?’

Lily paused and turned. She waited.

‘They care about you. James cares about you.’

Lily nodded. Mrs Potter must have noticed the change in behaviour between James and Lily since their argument the previous day.

‘Look out for him, won’t you? For all of them.’

Lily nodded again, numbly, without meeting the eyes of James’ mother. She had been so kind to her. How much did she know? Would she still be so kind if she knew Lily was friends with the one who had done this to her son? She turned once more and left without another word. Crossing through the corridor and out the front door, she walked over the grass where Sirius had lain two nights ago, and apparated from the edge of the gardens.

***  
Two days later found Lily walking into the great hall. She immediately spotted the Marauders sitting at the Gryffindor table. Sirius was there, looking pale and tired. James and Remus were sat either side of him, closer than usual, as though they were afraid he might collapse at any moment. Peter sat opposite, and the four of them were speaking earnestly. Then her eyes wandered, as they always did, to the Slytherin table. She was taken aback to see Severus sitting there, as though nothing was amiss. His friends around him were laughing at some joke, but he wasn’t. Lily wondered why Dumbledore hasn’t expelled him yet. Surely that was the only response to such an incident as the curse, even if it wasn’t on school grounds?

Lily walked toward the Gryffindor table via that of the Slytherins. She barely paused walking as she passed Severus, just stalling longer enough to hiss, ‘We need to talk. Tonight. 8pm. Library.’ She stalked away to a set of whoops and wolf whistles from Severus’ friends.

Then Lily reached the Gryffindor table, and passed the Marauders without a glance though she knew they were watching her, to sit a few seats further down, beside Alice and Martha.

‘Lily,’ Alice greeted her with a smile as she sat down. Then, ‘what’s wrong?’

Martha turned to scrutinise her. ‘You okay?’

‘Uh huh.’ Lily nodded.

‘You look tired,’ Alice remarked, taking in the bags under Lily’s eyes.

Lily glanced toward the Marauders and Alice followed her gaze. Remus was watching her, but dropped his eyes when she met his.

‘Did you hear what happened to Sirius?’ Martha asked.

Lily nodded. ‘I was there.’

‘What?‘ her two friends said in unison.

‘What do you mean, you were there?’

‘After you left the pub on Friday, I stayed for a while. James came in, running from someone. Then we went out and he took me to Sirius. He’d been cursed.’

Martha and Alice stared at her, wide-eyed.

‘Lily.’

Lily placed her arms on the table and rested her head on them. Alice leaned over and put her hand on Lily’s arm.

‘How bad was it?’

‘It was bad.’ She’d heard Sirius’ screams in her sleep again last night. Then she made a decision. ‘It was Severus.’  
‘Snape?’  
Lily nodded.

‘Lily, what are you going-?’

‘I’m talking to Severus tonight.’

Martha pursed her lips. Lily knew exactly what she thought of Severus. Why did everyone see the worst in him? ‘Is that safe?’

Lily lifted her head. ‘He wouldn’t hurt me.’

Alice scrutinised her. ‘But he already has, Lily. He cursed one of your friends.’

‘I haven’t heard his side yet. I don’t know what happened.’

Alice squeezed Lily’s arm. ‘Just be careful, okay?’

They were silent for several minutes, and then lily voiced aloud the question which has been plaguing her since she’d walked into the Great Hall. ‘But why hasn’t he been expelled?’

Alice frowned in thought and Martha turned to look at Snape again.

‘Maybe Dumbledore doesn’t know?’ Alice asked after a long moment.

‘But he came to the house. We went to the Potters’ after we found Sirius, and the next day Dumbledore came and Remus, James, and I gave statements.’ Lily explained.

‘Wait, you stayed at the Potter mansion? What was it like?’ Martha asked.

‘Not now, Martha’ Alice hissed. ‘Let me get this straight. Snape cursed Sirius and James, and Remus knew. Then Dumbledore asked you all about it, and you didn’t say it was Snape?’

‘No, I didn’t’ Lily paused. ‘He didn’t explicitly ask me who did it.’

Alice narrowed her eyes at Lily but said nothing. Then she said, ‘so neither did they.’

‘What?’

‘Lily, you weren’t the only one protecting Snape.’

Alice glanced up the table toward the Marauders. Lily looked too. Remus and James were talking to Sirius, and then they helped him to stand. He was shaky on his feet, and swayed slightly, grasping James’ shoulder for support.

‘Why would they protect him?’ Lily asked, but nobody answered her.

***

Lily checked her watch again. 7:58pm. The library was deserted. It was, after all, the first day of term. She sat at a table in the corner of the room, twirling her wand in her hand absently as she waited for Severus.

A minute later, he appeared. There were bags under his eyes, and he limped slightly as he came toward Lily. He sat down opposite her a little stiffly.

‘Lily.’

‘Severus.’

There was an awkward pause as each scrutinised the other. Snape broke the silence. ‘What have you heard?’

‘I was there, Severus. That night. I saw what you did to Sirius and James.’

Severus sat up straighter. Only a slight raising of his eyebrows told her how surprised he was at the revelation. ‘You were there? I never saw you.’

‘I wasn’t there when you cursed them.’ Lily admitted. ‘But I was there afterward.’

‘Lily, I-‘

‘Sectumsempra. Severus, what the hell was that?’

‘You didn’t see, you don’t under-‘

‘No. Don’t make excuses to me. Who would invent a spell like that?’ Lily paused, then asked the question which had been plaguing her for the last two days. ‘Did you even know what it did?’

Severus looked down at the table. ‘Yes. But-‘

‘Then why did you use it? What a heartless, foul, evil thing to do!’

‘Lily!’ Severus reached across the table and grabbed Lily’s hands. Her wand clattered against the wooden table top. She fell silent. ‘They didn’t know what they were getting involved in. Neither do you. I didn’t have a choice. It was... to protect them.’

‘How was that protection? There’s always a choice.’

Snape shook his head. ‘No. Not with them. They’d have killed me if I didn’t curse him.’

‘Who?’

‘The Death Eaters.’ Snape paused. He licked his lips. ‘And I thought if I did something severe, the Marauders might stay away in future.’

Lily watched him closely. ‘You really think that’ll work? This is the Marauders we’re talking about.’

‘They need to stay away, Lily. Tell them that. They need to keep well away from the Death Eaters.’

‘Are you one?’

‘What?’

‘A Death Eater.’

Snape pressed his lips together. The silence drew out for a long moment. ‘No.’

Lily pulled her hands away. ‘I don’t believe you.’ She stood.

‘Lily-‘

‘What? What could you possibly say to me that would make this okay? He almost died, Severus.’

Severus blinked. ‘I never intended-‘

‘Leave it, Severus. I don’t want to hear. And stay away from me. And from the Marauders. We’re all just Mudblood filth to you, aren’t we? That’s what you’ve always thought.’

Severus stood, but Lily had already swept from the room, bag pulled tight over her shoulder. In her wake, Snape stood blinking in the silent library. ‘I never intended to hurt you.’ He finished. And he hadn’t. Truly. He sat down hard in the chair. All he’d ever done was to try to protect her. Why couldn’t she see that? He’d lost Lily forever, and he knew it. But that wouldn’t mean he’d give up protecting her.

***

Lily ran down several corridors before she came to a halt, putting as much distance between herself and Severus as she could. She hadn’t intended to shout at him like that, but when all she could hear were Sirius’ screams, it was hard not to be angry. Had she really been so blind all along? Was Severus really lost? Had she failed him that badly?

Dropping onto a window ledge, Lily bit back a sob and covered her face in her hands.

‘Lily?’

She started at the sound of her name and looked around. The corridor was deserted, save for a single figure at one end.

‘James?’

James came toward her and scrutinised her, taking in her red eyes and damp face, before taking a seat beside her on the window ledge.

‘You okay?’ He asked gently.

‘How’s Sirius?’

‘Tired. But healing. He’s asleep now.’

Lily watched James’ face. He was staring at his hands. ‘Listen, James, I’m so sorry-‘

‘Don’t apologise for him, Lily. You’ve done enough of that in the past.’

‘I won’t be doing it again.’

James turned to her. ‘What?’

‘I won’t do it again’ Lily repeated. ‘We’re finished’

She thought James would be pleased with the news, but instead he frowned.

‘What?’

‘Not that I’m not glad you’ve finally seen the git for what he really is...but he might be worse as an enemy than he was as a friend.’

‘He’s not my enemy. He’s just no longer my friend.’

James said nothing in response, but they both knew what he was thinking: Severus had never been one for grey areas. The silence drew out for several minutes, until Lily broke it.

‘He said he was trying to protect you.’

‘Protect us? How-‘

‘He said...if he did something serious, you’d learn to stay away. He told me to warn you to keep away from the Death Eaters.’

James regarded her for a moment. ‘Do you think he was lying, about protecting us?’

Lily looked down at her hands. ‘I don’t know’ she confessed at last.

They sat in silence for a long time, before Lily yet again broke it. ‘I can still hear him scream, James. When I close my eyes.’

‘Me too.’

‘Can I see him?’

James shrugged, then nodded. He stood, and a moment later Lily stood too. They walked together back to Gryffindor common room. As they walked, Lily was filled with an urge to take hold of James’ hand. She remembered how it had felt to hold his hands the other night. They were strong, firm, but tender too. But she didn’t take his hand. Not this time.

When the pair reached the entrance to the common room, Lily hesitated. James turned to her.   
‘What?’

Lily forced herself to look up and meet James’ eye. ‘You didn’t tell Dumbledore it was Snape, did you?’

James was silent for a while. ‘No.’

‘Why? Why would you protect him?’

James blinked at her, once. ‘I wasn’t doing it to protect him, Lily. I did it to protect you.’

Before Lily could respond, he turned and said the password, and the portrait of the fat lady swung forward, allowing them to climb inside.


End file.
